"Root To Bloom" - A Program Born from My Healing Journey

Each season we hire community healers, & wellness practitioners as guest speakers to add to the wealth of resources around us. Here we are in the EcoCenter with movement healer, Sammay Dizon.

I used to be a community-based service provider and vocal advocate for diversity within land-based organizations. I spoke out, led efforts, formed groups and containers to drive the narrative of “lack of diversity” and hold myself to the fire, challenging my higher ups and the authorities-that-be, for more inclusive space for people like me and the communities I serve, who often looked like me. But I quickly learned through many failed attempts and fallouts that this wasn’t where my fire for change was going to be affective.

Sadly, like many other passionate (I would even say wounded) providers, I thought vocalizing my needs would get me somewhere, but it only left me burnt out. I was left with bigger questions about “Who am I in this work?”, “Why do I feel the need to stay?”, and the most challenging, “Why can’t I be who I am and focus on the actual work of creating change for my community?”. Well, the story I’m about to share below is a story of many years of the unfolding story that answered these questions. And when I say many years, I’m talking about 10+ years of a swervey, chaotic, and down right traumatic career path.

If there’s anything I hope you gain from reading the origin story of Root To Bloom, its that

(1) the path to your true purpose is hella long and arduous. If it’s not, you probably have more to learn and grow from

(2) when you finally surrender and listen to more than your experience, meaning your listening to your heart, your ancestors, your guides beyond the Earthly realm, you begin to listen to the forces of nature that have always been guiding you since you were born. You begin to trust the things that are beyond this world and magic begins to unfold.

So, I’m grateful you can take the time out to hear how this program speaks so much to my journey of healing as woman of color in environmental education work and that’s it is possible to create beautiful things for the people to meet their blooming!

🌺 Years ago when I started my non-profit environmental justice career I worked as a Program Manager in San Francisco's Bayview/Hunters Point neighborhood. I thought it was my dream job and I would be there for a long time. Little did I know, the day I walked into the office on my first day...I was walking into what would be a 2 year nightmare. The organization's leadership had crumbled 2 weeks prior to me starting. Ironically the park site, Heron's Head & the EcoCenter's education programming centered the historic toxicity of SF's Southeast. I was teaching about toxicity and experiencing toxic work environments at the same time.

I don't know if you've ever experienced a level of workplace toxicity that causes you to flee from the community and distance yourself for your own safety and well-being, but I spent many years away from the community except for the few trusted relationships I kept close as I transitioned and explored other avenues of my career.

Almost 10 years after that job I found myself on the same park site, different professional path as an entrepreneur but still working with nature, focused on providing a healing learning space for community-based service providers. I couldn't believe that the path I walked to come back to a site that caused me so much harm would be a place that would not only provide healing for me, but also heal the providers in the program.

Our program theory of change disrupts the cycle and value on productivity in our providers with self care and healing practices

I am always in awe of Root To Bloom being in my life. Being my life's work. It could be that my healing needed this program to be designed to disrupt the toxic work environment of valuing productivity with valuing self care and provider well-being. Because from my experience, I knew that the productivity value that plagues many community-based service centered organizations can perpetuate capitalism’s engine of seeing people as a commodity of labor instead of seeing them as stakeholders of our greater community’s long-term health and wellness. I always wanted someone to acknowledge this in the organizations I worked in, especially those that targeted marginalized communities. So, in the Root To Bloom Program I made sure we talk about colonization’s design to keep us locked into productivity so that we don’t attain the awareness that we can value ourselves as gifted contributors to our own needs for a healthy and fulfilling life. Because if we attain such power, we can’t be controlled.

It always strikes me as my radical stance on loving my community by being able to create this program to say these things and teach emerging leaders to reclaim their power with tools we share in the program. Because I’ve been a product of burn out and being outcasted, “laid-off” or ostracized from leadership in previous organizations where I’ve attempted to integrate these values as was retaliated against in some form or fashion. But something many years ago kept me tethered to my beliefs and stayed steadfast in my search to find a way to still say these things and have autonomy as safety. It just so happened I needed to leave the non-profit structure and create an entity that, to be real, only I can fire myself from, lol!

Root To Bloom has unfolded as this safe place and container for fierce providers like me to have a home for processing and understanding our intergenerational traumas without retaliation or stigmatization; something I wish I had especially when I was providing direct service to adjudicated youth. Now, I have so many people, spirit guides, ancestors to thank for this. More importantly I can thank myself for saying yes to a path most wouldn’t dare step into. That inner voice of my WARRIOR SELF was definitely wounded but committed to my true purpose and I mostly send her rest and gratitude these days.

Testimonial from Denicia, Season 2 graduate

Allowing myself the surrender to other messages in my dreams or the synchronicities showing up in my everyday walk are just some of the reasons why I think Root To Bloom holds such a special vibe and space for the community that surrounds it. Together with my co-creator and conspirator, Kisai of CommUNITY, this program has consistently shown us the power of creating something so unique and exactly what we would have wanted as frontline staff; a holistic and transformative space where we could truly just be and heal.

And as we’ve begun to open our space for the fourth year of Root To Bloom, I’m reminded again of the power of my healing journey to heal some of our community’s deepest wounds. I can’t say that my healing has ended. I don’t believe its even possible to “be healed”. So as long as I’m on this Earth, my healing will continue on. But what I do know is that after these many years of diving into the scary parts, moving through the roller coaster of life and leadership, there are moments that I’m reminded all of my struggles and experiences can serve me later by showing up as healing for others. I just have to keep listening, keep trusting.

So I’ll leave you with some of the coach-y type reflections you can take as you continue on your journey of self discovery and healing in hopes that your journey can find a point of coming full circle. And I hope you can share your thoughts and responses with me below. I’d love to engage with your story of healing.

Click this image to listen to our IG Live session sharing the magic that birthed our program and its impact on our community

Reflections to Reclaim Your Purpose & Power:

🤔 If you were to spend a day doing exactly what brings you complete alignment with who you are and your natural born gifts, what would that day be like and more importantly how are you feeling throughout that whole day?

🤔 If you can speak truth to your power, as in say ALL THE THINGS you want to say to your current workplace/community about what real change looks like, what would you say? Make sure it’s as raw as you would say it if you had all the freedoms to say it all the way you want to say it!

🤔 What do people tend to say or witness in you when they describe who you are or what your leadership is like? You don’t have to agree or believe them because these can be signs of your true gifts and purpose in life whether you like it or not!

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The Messages in the Flames

In the wake of our most recent wildfires…

the overwhelming sadness of our reality hit me in a way that validated what I had written about just a few months ago in, “Nothing Left to Justify” . This time I felt this overwhelming feeling of, “it’s really happening” come over me. As I sifted through my emotions and what I was “seeing”, the compounding tragedies of Thousand Oaks, CA came to mind. This was the incident and the moment that hit me with validation. As reported in the Washington Post, it was “non-stop chaos” for this community. For me, it was the incident that brought my connections of the violence of people and nature’s destruction much closer to each other; in fact literally, into the same location.

While I was engaging in conversations with my community, a common struggle to find ways to come to terms with what is going on in our world and “how do we manage all of this “chaos” and find a place in our individual hearts to do something about the devastation without being stifled by hopelessness”. So, a sister healer, Claudia and I decided to have a 1:1 conversation to discuss in more depth what my visions have been and what they meant to the larger view of “where does that leave us as a people moving forward?”. We hopped on Instagram LIVE and talked through some of her key observations of these fires as I discussed aspects of viewing them from a place of our nature identity.

In general what this conversation held where some key moments outlined below

• honoring those impacted by the devastation, loss, death, the rescuers, and those continually helping community on the grounds

• having conversations about these fires but not understanding how we can contribute meaningfully

• support and healing through the experience and after care plans acknowledging the grieving process

• the lack of knowing how to connect to nature and who we are traditionally as a result of societal norms and how the impacts of this disconnection are greater now

• the messages in the flames being one of nature mirroring how we as people treat each other

• being able to recognize fire of the element that brings in swift change and rebirth, knowing how this is a metaphor for our collective society to focus on moving forward

• the work ahead is to look into you and your own conflicts, healing through those points will bring more harmony to the Earth

It’s no doubt that for us in California, our year-long fire season has in itself, ignited this need

to search more deeply into our lives and become more aware and observant of what’s actually going on around us. I end this video by reminding our audience that there’s nothing separate about a seemingly minor argument you have with another to the potentials of this energy being reflected in the behavior of nature’s systems.

We are nature, nature is us

View the conversation in full by clicking the video below. Comment and subscribe my youtube page and let’s continue this conversation!

 11/21/18 IG LIVE @la_clandestina_ @hikeitoutcoaching This was a 1:1 conversation with my sister healer, Claudia to discuss more in depth what my visions have been and what they mean in the larger view of “where does that leave us as a people moving forward”. We hopped on Instagram LIVE and talked through some of her key observations of these fires as I discussed aspects of viewing them from a place of our nature identity.

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Racial Justice Every Step of the Way

Back in 2014 I published what would be a key blog post of my career; taking a stand against what I felt were problematic practices of “diversity and inclusion” panels and discussions. My Shapeshifting the Panel piece was me taking a stand against the tokenization, the parading of our POC identities and experiences to predominantly white audiences as an illusion that we were doing something to “solve the problem” of diversity. It was a key post in my career because the article was picked up by a manager in the US Forest Service and I was invited to participate on an advisory council for the Pacific Northwest National Scenic Trail, which then landed me a board appointment for an award winning news magazine, High Country News.

This blog post opened up my voice.

I remember writing the piece over the course of just a couple of hours. I started with my heart rapidly beating in frustration and determination because I knew what I did and experienced on my last diversity panel was something I wanted to let the world know. I wanted the community to know why it was problematic. I also knew I wasn’t going to let my voice be violated by opening up the pathway for defensive responses, blame, or ranting. It needed to come from ME in every sense of the wording, flow, and emotion.

I knew I needed TO OWN this piece.

So looking back on where I was in my personal AND professional development, I can see how those parts of my story are now being implemented in how I function as an independent agent with Rino Consulting Solutions. My values of social and racial justice are more clear.

So how does it show up in my practice?

I focus on THE WORK from a JUSTICE LENS
When I was vetted to serve for the US Forest Service I had to make sure this wasn’t exactly what I was standing against. I asked what would my positionality be with the council, why they wanted me there, and made sure this was an invested working group, not just a talking piece for the agency. I made sure the entire council as a whole was diverse in participation and perspective.

In my Open Space Equity Presentation I challenge the notions of where our separations in environmental engagement come from by looking at the evidence in land use, historical colonization, and the socio-economic impacts of how we engage with the environment today. I show the systems at play and how our personal value sets influence the decisions made in our urban environments. I connect the evidence to show how social and racial justice are embedded in the landscape. Doing the work means presenting a different perspective and understanding how that impacts our personal value sets, which then drive our passion to participate in change and make choices.

We talk about the systems at play for perspective and knowledge

I do racial justice, NOT diversity and inclusion
I remember one presentation I did for a college group really bombed. I mean, really bombed. I lost the audience, there was silence when I was done, and the post Q & A session seemed to just perpetuate my frustrations with diversity work. I heard later that I left the audience drained of their energy, lost, and I seemed really bitter to them. And I was.

I became stuck. I didn’t know how to think differently about how I felt about “diversifying the industry” and my participation in this work in my career. Until a close friend of mine listened to how I spoke about my frustrations with diversity work. And when she said to me, “You know, I’ve always been confused about why so many organizations don’t understand that there’s a big difference between ‘diversity’ work and ‘racial justice’ work. They’re not the same thing.” Instantly it became clear to me! I do racial justice work, not diversity work!

Mind you, diversity as a “body of work” is more than a thing, it’s a BEING. And some strategies like increasing the number of POC staff is a stopgap to cultivating your being a more diverse entity, culturally. It just gets you the numbers. Racial justice on the other hand, focuses on the actual systems of society that create the separation of communities, land, economics, power, status, and the disparities in industry engagement. It gets to the belly of the beast and works from the core. And I'm presenting THAT as the take away or starting point for the work. That’s what I do.  

So, going back to my bombed presentation. I had another opportunity to present to a similar audience. This time I changed the words on my presentation from “Diversity Engagement Strategist” to “Racial Justice Centered Engagement”. And I focused in on the language and content from a racial justice lens. What was the response from the audience? They wanted to know more about racial justice and what I meant by that. They shared stories of feeling the same ways in the workplace or in internships, and one student  even came to me after the presentation crying because it brought up similar emotions and challenges in her identity at her agency. She found deeper moments of relating to me and my experience as a WOC. I have to say, I think I landed that presentation!

Calling IN, not calling OUT
I consider myself a super-duper empath. The level of sensitivities I have with people and energies  around me are so enormous sometimes that I’ve actually had to devote intentional time and investment understanding how to manage my sensitivities. That’s the healer in me. So, when I see people in pain emotionally and physically it affects me A LOT.

In previous experiences as a training participant AND facilitator I’ve seen too many instances when activities done around power and privilege go nowhere the next day or just go south. I see and feel the pain and frustration. If not held and cared for in its delicacy and safety, triggers can bring out the ugly parts of us. I could shovel out a bazillion articles of what happens here, but I think we've all been around the tension in a room with diverse perspectives talking about race, power, and privilege. Why do I (1) want to risk being a part of that and (2) make efforts to try and manage and facilitate those types of incidents? That work drains me and always just leaves me with all kinds of negative feels. Or I have to go home and do all this extra work to decompress and level my emotions out. 

What’s my conclusion and solution to this? I believe in doing A DEEPER KIND of work in these trainings. At the root of all of this we long to be seen and heard on our own individual terms AND as a source of greatness to the world. I want to see EVERYONE achieve THIS. So, bringing in deeper practices of communication skills to the individual level allows people to OWN their experiences. Also, understanding when and if the processing needs to happen in the safety and privacy of the individual, within a shared identity group, or in solitude. Identifying safety is a key approach I began to implement in my trainings and a key component of how I coach. 

So, instead of asking folks to role play their power position or act out some implicit biases, I challenge folks to focus on language and deep listening during dialogue. I challenge folks to reach deep into their life and values and understand WHO THEY ARE FIRST before taking action. I offer tools that reach into our human condition after presenting our divided societal condition. I guide the development of individual growth towards impacting community growth, safely and effectively.

By knowing who we are in the world can we navigate it to create a world we want so that we are seen and heard on our terms

I CALL YOU INTO YOUR IDENTITY and reveal your unique gifts.

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I choose to begin with the INDIVIDUAL
developing deeper communication skills IN SAFETY

Personally, this choice brought me some NEXT LEVEL adulting and resulted in some major shifts in my life and the people around me. And because I've practice this approach myself, I know how to hold this process for others. More importantly, when we take personal responsibility, it lands the overall responsibility of creating change in the world to the individual, not others!

Racial justice IS self-care
I have to credit my business coach, Anthem for handing this one to me! He said that when we’re not working on racial justice we’re not taking care of ourselves. It was a reminder and validation that all the self-care time and investment I have done and continue to do in my work simultaneously informs and develops me. All of these challenging times; the times I felt stuck and times I felt like I was talking to crickets in the room were all meant to be there for me as 'trail markers' for which direction to walk next.  

And the way I feel about my walk is that it is more in alignment today with who I am and the values I hold in my life. What's your walk like?

What are your thoughts on a racial justice lens? Does any of this resonate or trigger you? Let me know by commenting below or forwarding to your awesome community of change makers!

The Rise & Fall of the Sun

We lay witness to the days that have come before us and act upon creating what we need ahead of us. As the sun rises to birth a new day, it also sets- carrying all that we have endured throughout the day. Find space in this process to focus on what brings you peace.

Since the launch of this business, I've been organizing weekly healing hikes for community to participate in. The act of my organizing hikes with an intention of offering a coaching and healing session was in direct response to the devastating results of our election. That's why they are called healing hikes, and not just "a guided hike".

I, myself experienced in my family and community the worry, fear, uncertainty, and disappointment that would later linger on for the next few days as the collective trauma our country was experiencing. It was in these raw moments where I gathered my most recent thoughts and plans to develop pathways to healing in nature. Then I got the message. It was time for me to act; no more planning and contemplating, no more thinking. I saw a friend post a yoga session in response to the election. That was my cue; my community needs an opportunity to heal and I can provide that. I quickly organized a sunrise hike in a nearby park location and blasted close friends to meet me at the trailhead.

Six people showed up as the sun began rising! As we all gathered in this rawness we asked Nature to be there for us, to heal us. In gratitude, we grounded ourselves, walked the trail intent on feeling better afterwards, WE DID THE WORK! The coming weeks would bring more healing hikes, some of them during the sunset; all were needed by each hiker. Here is where I recognized the birth of my abilities to lead these hikes to heal community.

The rise and fall of the sun is like the fire that sits within our hearts, rising with the passion and struggle we've held as a community of color for so long. And the falling of the sun into the night is the fall of those old destructive ways, negativities, and endurances in life that leave us taxed, damaged, sometimes dead.

The beauty of our fire, now ignited in full flame, was the organizing that happened right after the election. ALL the people, ALL the youth that came out in protest. That is our fire, our passion to be better people. Each day the fire became brighter, the groups of protestors grew larger. Solidarity was seen across the nation.

And as the sun sets in its natural process we must accept it. The end of the day, the darkness that prepares us for rest is honored by witnessing the winter sky turn from white to fiery red at sunset. In these moments we accept the change and ask the falling of the sun to take with it the things that no longer serve us. Sunset hikes are those opportunities to release our burdens. With respect to our current events, I view sunsets as the taking down of those destructive and negative mindsets and values that have have hurt us for far too long.

Just like we do on these hikes, we work to reclaim this communication and connection to Nature. We learn and relearn how these offerings can support our well being in these challenging times. Watch the sun rise and fall and pay attention to the messages that come to you.