How You Know It's Time to Heal
But it took a lot of years and life experience to get to a point where I decided to engage in some real and deep healing. For a long time I thought certain reactions or ways of viewing people were normal, until I realized I can do things differently. I’ll be share with you a couple of ways that helped me embark on a healing journey that proved to me, worth charting unknown territory.
How You Know It’s Time to Heal
3 Signs that say you’re there
Someone once asked me, "What's the most challenging part of working in community?" I answered, "When community doesn't believe healing is needed."
All I could think about were times where I witnessed normalized violence and toxicity in my family. For a long time I thought certain reactions or ways of viewing people were normal. Like, road raging as a young adult. I knew it was dangerous and violent, but I grew up with a road raging father. At the time it seemed normal to be around that. But then somewhere in my body and psyche, I began to agree with this attitude and response and I adopted it when I was younger. It wasn't until I started to give myself permission to pay attention to how I was impacting the world, that I realized I can do things differently. Mostly this was because my impacts on others were sometimes negative.
But it took a lot of years and life experience to get to a point where I decided to engage in some real and deep healing. So, I wanted to share with you a couple of ways that helped me embark on a healing journey that proved to me, worth charting unknown territory. And FYI, these things still happen to me all-the-time! We don’t reach a point of being “healed”, rather healing is a constant journey throughout life; there’s always something to work on.
Here are just three signs that let you know when it's time to heal.
You find yourself frustrated and overwhelmed by things that normally don't bug you - here's a sign that where you are in life is just not enough. You want more and you know more is possible.
How does this translate to what needs healing? If you can thread your frustrations back into its origin, what we’re really being presented with is our sense of value and self worth. Frustrations about how things are done or how you’re observing them can give you clues into what you know to be possible. What exactly are you frustrated about? Have you felt similarly in the past and what was the core of that frustration? Find common threads in moments that left you feeling the same type of emotion and it can lead you to a place in life where you felt like you knew something was better or possible for yourself.
You're going through or have just come out of a major life event or situation - life has just thrown you a bunch of information and opportunity to flex your abilities. Here's life showing you your capacity and IT showing you that you are made for more.
It could feel more like you’re in survival mode, but doesn’t survival mode also put us in a place to search urgently for extra resources and support? Like clamoring for something to help you in times of great need, we’re also pushed out of our comfort zones or edges just to make it through the next step. Oftentimes, stepping back from the situation or reflecting back on what just happened can help reveal what needed healing from those events. Like having a realization that you just survived something tremendous, or that you just made it through those tough times. Finding out exactly what you did or what you were thinking in those critical times can bring so much awareness to your capacity to hold challenges now that you’ve overcome them. You’ve just gone through some kind of healing when you’re able to wisely observe key points in your life.
More than a few things in your external environment seem chaotic, but not always directly because of you - this is the Universe's way of saying, "I know you see this! Now, what are you going to do about it, oh wise and gifted one?"
I went through a lot of these types of messages when I was younger, about the time of my first Saturn return (typically happens around ages 28-32). So many things imploding, exploding, relationships going awry, structures and institutions unraveling…sound familiar these days?
Now, pandemic times have certainly played a perfect example in what I’m saying here. So what healing has this pandemic revealed to us? Much of what we see today in our external environment is causing us to go inward and ask ourselves, “what went wrong?” , the challenges around this pandemic have been around the care for others and the long brewing tensions between us racially and culturally. So, when it seems like the world around us is about to topple over, we can begin asking ourselves,
What did I miss?
What was I not paying attention to or investing my time in that caused me to not see beneath the surface and now this is what would be the outcome?”
Because life is actively showing us that we’ve missed the assignment. So, what can you do now to get back on track and focus on your well-being?
In many ways, the signs that you're ready to deepen your life experience and skills require you to FIRST know and believe that healing is needed; that you simply want things to be different. What stops us from diving into a true healing journey can be the facts that
you’re not really ready to face the dark stuff, the shadows, the traumas, the yucky feelings
you may be intimidated by your level up; like knowing that the different you will be more powerful puts you in a place of resistance
you just don’t know where to start
More often than not, the majority of us WON’T sign onto a healing journey because of the reasons I just pointed out. What’s more common is to find yourself at rock bottom or in a situation where you’re left with no other choice but to begin healing. So no matter what, we all have the capacity to get started on some version of a healing journey.
And healing isn't just about when you are directly harmed and in need of support. Healing can also mean that younger versions of you still need tending to because you're not able to access your full and whole self today, as an adult. The latter scenario is one of the biggest areas I tackle with leaders in private sessions!
As a leadership coach with healing centered approaches, I always advocate for the normalization of these challenging times and yucky feelings because the more we ignore them, the more those feelings will start to nag at us to get to the healing it needs before you can level up. This is where triggers come from; unhealed parts of our past that get signaled to come back to us as adults. Now, have you cultivated the tools and wisdom to now offer your younger, hurt parts? That’s where someone like me can be that support for you.
If you want to know more about where you are in your time to heal through barriers and blocks preventing you from the life of liberation you crave, you check out my offerings below
sign up for the next cohort of Trailheads To Healing
book a quick consultation with me to explore private coaching
join any type of healing hike to put you in direct connection to the Universe’s messages for you
check out other events or workshops to get to know more about my work
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5 Steps to Shift From Madness to Mindset
If you’re mindset, or beliefs around your actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways. We’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness to developing a strong mindset for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
A few years ago I offered a deep reflection tool that allowed you to recognize when changes in behaviors happened..
And in recognizing those changes in behaviors, my hope is that you’re able to see those as a major step forward. If you haven’t done that exercise, I suggest giving it a try this year. Because you might be surprised by how much growth you’ve been able to accomplish with just behavioral shifts! You can do last year’s activity by reading about it here. It includes some downloadable worksheets too!
Now, to take your reflection even deeper towards transformation this year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways.
Take this beginning of the year season where we typically see folks committing to “a better diet”, “more exercise”, or some other form of better living. When the enthusiasm and stamina around that change wears off, say around February or March, excuses start to take over. Without a strong mindset aligned with that change, belief systems from other people, societal norms, or just those stories you developed on your own can take over a derail your plans. The madness sets in.
So, as a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
So what does a successful shift from madness to mindset look like?
Simply put, these 5 steps can help you put some back into it! Below I give you some examples to help jumpstart your reflection and I also encourage you to download this worksheet and FULLY engage with the activity.
Name what you want to change. Bottom line it.
In 2019 I want to change the way I eat to have a more plant-based diet
What are your beliefs (madness) around that shift? For instance, what goes on in your head when you think about making this change in your life?
a. Plant based diets are healthier and will help me lose weight
b. It takes too much time to prep food for a more plant based diet and I’ too busy
Where did they come from? You, someone else, societal norms, etc…?
a. I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the a plant-based diet reversing chronic illness and other things, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body
b. I grew up with fast food and TV dinners, so making food from scratch is too time consuming and I’m a really busy person
Determine which of those beliefs serve to your benefit versus ones that result in preventing you from making a successful, long term shift. Can you add an action to take to make that change?
Example
Mindset - I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the vegan diet reversing chronic illness, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body.
Action - 3 out of 7 days in a week will be a plant-based lunch
Bottom line your mindset in a statement. This is the part that shifts from madness your mindset. Affirm it and ritualize it into an affirmation or reminder to yourself, especially when you have the urge to revert back to old habits. Write or draw this statement out and put it on display in a sacred place in your home so you can see it and recite it at least once a day. Do this for at least 21 days!
a. I make time to have more plant-based foods in my diet because it supports my overall health
Keep yourself accountable by looking back every week and tell someone.
How many times were you able to implement the change?
How many times were you able to state your mantra (mindset) to yourself?
Celebrate the wins and when you’ve been consistent in using this mantra and don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not perfect! Your mind is, after all, conditioning itself to a new norm! But also don’t have a gallon of ice cream, instead, share with someone who supports you that you reached your weekly goal!
Tip: If you’re not consistent, next week, customize the action so that it fits better into your unique life and try again. It’s all good as long as you don’t quit all together!
Finally, its always a good idea to have at least one “transformational buddy”; someone who can witness your change and cheer you on! I personally would shamelessly plug that hiring a coach is the ultimate game changer! But if you’re not yet ready for that type of investment, I’ll leave you with some final tips to identify who that buddy can be:
Someone you trust and has been a natural and true champion of you all along
A person who can keep their personal agenda out of your goals and be an active listener
Someone who can empathize, not sympathize with you
Good luck in the next year of change towards your best life!
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Nature & the Apocalypse - Tapping Into Your Untapped Resources
In apocalyptic times it’s easy to forget about the multiple dimensions of resources we all have to make it through challenging times.
So I thought I’d break down these dimensions unique to my message and what I created as a pillar of the Radical Nature Framework. It’s like a breath of fresh air to just acknowledge that we exist on multiple planes.
Nature & the Apocalypse
Your Untapped Resources
In apocalyptic times it’s easy to forget about the multiple dimensions of resources we all have to make it through challenging times.
So I thought I’d break down these dimensions unique to my message and what I created as a pillar of the Radical Nature Framework.
Click this image of Terry Crews & Jameela Jamil in conversation about toxic masculinity and an emphasis on 2 ways that people get inspired (1:34).
I remember talking to my business coach and he asked me, ”What is it that actually motivates people to get a real start on their true life’s work and invest in the real support needed to get there?”. And I responded and told him that we typically don’t take a leap until we get to our extremes. So, near-death experiences or arriving at what might seem like the lowest point in your life will get someone to take action. Those are usually the times when we generally see people create their businesses or “launch” their life’s work. Not everyone needs to get to extremes, but I see it as an example of a general human tendency.
Today, I’d say there’s also this apocalypse. And by apocalypse, I’m taking its root definition, below. Our ability to now see the truths of our world has caused us to face, head-on the many things we need to repair and heal to move forward.
Not what we expected as an apocalypse the way Hollywood depicted it? What we’re faced with is an existential crisis. And this existential crisis requires us to ask the deeper questions about WHO WE ARE and WHAT OUR PURPOSE IS while we’re here on this Earth.
I think this is why when I introduce my “Belonging & Identity” diagram to groups it seems to be the illustration that hits people viscerally in what work needs to happen to make it through to see what world we’ll arrive to after all of this chaos.
Source: etymonline.com
Why does it seem to hit home for most? I’m guessing that this is the missing piece in the narrative of leadership, organizational development, or entrepreneurship;
the fact that we are made up of more than just our human existence
We have multiple dimensions of being and our sense of belonging to things not ONLY this Earth. It’s like a breath of fresh air to just acknowledge that we exist on multiple planes. And this is what came to me when I took a deeper look into nature’s systems from multiple disciplines; science, spiritually, coaching, etc…
So let me break down each of the dimensions as they relate to our human sense of identity and belonging and leave you with some ways to start thinking about this for yourself.
The goal is that you can find the many untapped resources of your resilience and begin engaging with these dimensions as the world as we know it begins to dissolve….
Look at the multiple dimensions of your being, from the human self all the way into the expansion of your place in the Quantum or Universal Realm.
How do you relate to each dimension?
How does each dimension show up in your life?
Consider answering the questions posed with the breakdown of each of these dimensions below:
SELF - your body, DNA, physical abilities, capacity to intellectualize, living family, existence in your specific life time
REGION/LAND - the place on the planet where your ancestors come from, your lineage, all the specific plants and animals found in that region, your capacity to relate to particular plants and animals because they are part of your origin story
GLOBAL - the world’s resources, the things we all have as a global human species like emotions, basic needs, our capacity to see yourself in others (kapwa), our connection to land and water on this Earth
PLANETARY - your connection to the stars/planets/solar system, your birth chart, your capacity to see your spiritual position in relation to the Earth and other starts
QUANTUM/UNIVERSAL - our collective consciousness, the place where everything exists and belongs to, beyond the stars. It’s the universal energy of our existence, your capacity to reach your ancestors and become one and back and forth...
Take this resource with you and your answers and apply your multiple dimensions the next time you need to find answers to take the next step during the apocalypse! And let me know what shows up by commenting below!
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5 Steps to Shift From Madness to Mindset
This year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways. As a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same results”
At the end of last year (2017) I offered you a deep reflection tool that allowed you to recognize the changes in behaviors you were able to make that year...
And in recognizing those changes in behaviors, I hope you were able to see those as a major step forward. If you haven’t done that exercise, I suggest giving it a try before doing this year’s activity. Because you might be surprised by how much growth you’ve been able to accomplish with just behavioral shifts! You can do last year’s activity by reading about it here. It includes some downloadable worksheets too!
Now, to take your reflection even deeper towards
transformation, this year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways.
Take this upcoming “New Years Resolutions” season where we typically see folks committing to “a better diet”, “more exercise”, or some other form of better living. When the enthusiasm and stamina around that change wears off, say around February or March, excuses start to take over. Without a strong mindset aligned with that change, belief systems from other people, societal norms, or just those stories you developed on your own can take over a derail your plans. The madness sets in.
So, as a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
So what does a successful shift from madness to mindset look like?
Simply put, these 5 steps can help you put some back into it! Below I give you some examples to help jumpstart your reflection and I also encourage you to download this worksheet and FULLY engage with the activity.
Name what you want to change. Bottom line it.
In 2019 I want to change the way I eat to have a more plant-based diet
What are your beliefs (madness) around that shift? For instance, what goes on in your head when you think about making this change in your life?
a. Plant based diets are healthier and will help me lose weight
b. It takes too much time to prep food for a more plant based diet and I’ too busy
Where did they come from? You, someone else, societal norms, etc…?
a. I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the a plant-based diet reversing chronic illness and other things, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body
b. I grew up with fast food and TV dinners, so making food from scratch is too time consuming and I’m a really busy person
Determine which of those beliefs serve to your benefit versus ones that result in preventing you from making a successful, long term shift. Can you add an action to take to make that change?
Example
Mindset - I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the vegan diet reversing chronic illness, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body.
Action - 3 out of 7 days in a week will be a plant-based lunch
Bottom line your mindset in a statement. This is the part that shifts from madness your mindset. Affirm it and ritualize it into an affirmation or reminder to yourself, especially when you have the urge to revert back to old habits. Write or draw this statement out and put it on display in a sacred place in your home so you can see it and recite it at least once a day. Do this for at least 21 days!
a. I make time to have more plant-based foods in my diet because it supports my overall health
Keep yourself accountable by looking back every week and tell someone.
How many times were you able to implement the change?
How many times were you able to state your mantra (mindset) to yourself?
Celebrate the wins and when you’ve been consistent in using this mantra and don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not perfect! Your mind is, after all, conditioning itself to a new norm! But also don’t have a gallon of ice cream, instead, share with someone who supports you that you reached your weekly goal!
Tip: If you’re not consistent, next week, customize the action so that it fits better into your unique life and try again. It’s all good as long as you don’t quit all together!
Finally, its always a good idea to have at least one “transformational buddy”; someone who can witness your change and cheer you on! I personally would shamelessly plug that hiring a coach is the ultimate game changer! But if you’re not yet ready for that type of investment, I’ll leave you with some final tips to identify who that buddy can be:
Someone you trust and has been a natural and true champion of you all along
A person who can keep their personal agenda out of your goals and be an active listener
Someone who can empathize, not sympathize with you
Good luck in the next year of change towards your best life!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
IF YOU FOUND THIS RESOURCE HELPFUL
AND WOULD LIKE MORE LIKE THIS, SUBSCRIBE
TO MY NEWSLETTER BELOW!
Your Year-End Deep Reflection Tool
So it’s the end of 2017 and the perfect time to get into reflection mode and see how all the events of this year impacted you and what you want to declare in the coming year for yourself. As a transformational coach, I’m here to…
So it’s the end of 2017 and the perfect time to get into reflection mode and see how all the events of this year impacted you and what you want to declare in the coming year for yourself. As a transformational coach, I’m here to offer you a deeper kind of reflection because what’s the point of keeping those reflections floating around in your head or aimlessly written in your daily journal? You can put a meaningful process into your annual reflection by taking it step by step until you take action!
If you received the newsletter, you probably downloaded part 1 of this reflection, have done it, and are ready to dive deeper with part 2 (below). And if you’re not getting the newsletter, make sure to sign up by clicking here. You don’t want to miss the next offering!
Let’s get started.
The purpose of this reflection is to elevate your view on the past year (or after a period of time where you’ve been working on your self development). My specific prompts will allow you to put pen to paper to
notice shifts you’ve made in mindset, attitude, and choices
find celebrations you might not have been aware of
Reflect on the year’s cumulative impacts on your growth & development
Part 1
Steps
Take a look at the first prompt, “I Used To...” Think about who you were at the beginning the year. Focus on areas such as your
View on something/someone
Choices you made
Undesirable/previous habits
Now, compliment the first column to the next column, “Now I...”.Think about what you did to change what you used to do and bottom line this as a statement. If you haven’t made a change, leave it blank.
Next, take a step back and CELEBRATE some of the key shifts you’ve identified.
Do this by adorning your statements with celebratory drawings next to some of the biggest or momentous changes that happened!Now, take a deep breath!Congratulations! You’ve (we’ve) been through alot this year. There’s always much to celebrate!
Part 2
Now that you’ve reflected on the shifts and changes that happened throughout the year, it’s time to put some action to them and begin to actually live in your new way of being!
Steps
Prioritize your accomplishments. Look at your list of “Now I’s...” and pick one or two that really stand out for you in being significant changes you’ve made.
Take those statements and transform them into, “Now THAT I...” statements of declaration. Name/bottom line/reframe what it is you are now able to do. This step helps you declare that you have stepped into a new way of being. See the example below.
Put it out there with “I Want to…”
Now that you have the awareness of who you are, state what you want in your life to support this new way of being.
(Continued from part 1)
Take this last step to
reach a pathway towards transformation!
Ask yourself:
What FIRST STEP can I take to create what I want in life to support this new way of being?
Download Part 1
Download Part 2