How You Know It's Time to Heal
But it took a lot of years and life experience to get to a point where I decided to engage in some real and deep healing. For a long time I thought certain reactions or ways of viewing people were normal, until I realized I can do things differently. I’ll be share with you a couple of ways that helped me embark on a healing journey that proved to me, worth charting unknown territory.
How You Know It’s Time to Heal
3 Signs that say you’re there
Someone once asked me, "What's the most challenging part of working in community?" I answered, "When community doesn't believe healing is needed."
All I could think about were times where I witnessed normalized violence and toxicity in my family. For a long time I thought certain reactions or ways of viewing people were normal. Like, road raging as a young adult. I knew it was dangerous and violent, but I grew up with a road raging father. At the time it seemed normal to be around that. But then somewhere in my body and psyche, I began to agree with this attitude and response and I adopted it when I was younger. It wasn't until I started to give myself permission to pay attention to how I was impacting the world, that I realized I can do things differently. Mostly this was because my impacts on others were sometimes negative.
But it took a lot of years and life experience to get to a point where I decided to engage in some real and deep healing. So, I wanted to share with you a couple of ways that helped me embark on a healing journey that proved to me, worth charting unknown territory. And FYI, these things still happen to me all-the-time! We don’t reach a point of being “healed”, rather healing is a constant journey throughout life; there’s always something to work on.
Here are just three signs that let you know when it's time to heal.
You find yourself frustrated and overwhelmed by things that normally don't bug you - here's a sign that where you are in life is just not enough. You want more and you know more is possible.
How does this translate to what needs healing? If you can thread your frustrations back into its origin, what we’re really being presented with is our sense of value and self worth. Frustrations about how things are done or how you’re observing them can give you clues into what you know to be possible. What exactly are you frustrated about? Have you felt similarly in the past and what was the core of that frustration? Find common threads in moments that left you feeling the same type of emotion and it can lead you to a place in life where you felt like you knew something was better or possible for yourself.
You're going through or have just come out of a major life event or situation - life has just thrown you a bunch of information and opportunity to flex your abilities. Here's life showing you your capacity and IT showing you that you are made for more.
It could feel more like you’re in survival mode, but doesn’t survival mode also put us in a place to search urgently for extra resources and support? Like clamoring for something to help you in times of great need, we’re also pushed out of our comfort zones or edges just to make it through the next step. Oftentimes, stepping back from the situation or reflecting back on what just happened can help reveal what needed healing from those events. Like having a realization that you just survived something tremendous, or that you just made it through those tough times. Finding out exactly what you did or what you were thinking in those critical times can bring so much awareness to your capacity to hold challenges now that you’ve overcome them. You’ve just gone through some kind of healing when you’re able to wisely observe key points in your life.
More than a few things in your external environment seem chaotic, but not always directly because of you - this is the Universe's way of saying, "I know you see this! Now, what are you going to do about it, oh wise and gifted one?"
I went through a lot of these types of messages when I was younger, about the time of my first Saturn return (typically happens around ages 28-32). So many things imploding, exploding, relationships going awry, structures and institutions unraveling…sound familiar these days?
Now, pandemic times have certainly played a perfect example in what I’m saying here. So what healing has this pandemic revealed to us? Much of what we see today in our external environment is causing us to go inward and ask ourselves, “what went wrong?” , the challenges around this pandemic have been around the care for others and the long brewing tensions between us racially and culturally. So, when it seems like the world around us is about to topple over, we can begin asking ourselves,
What did I miss?
What was I not paying attention to or investing my time in that caused me to not see beneath the surface and now this is what would be the outcome?”
Because life is actively showing us that we’ve missed the assignment. So, what can you do now to get back on track and focus on your well-being?
In many ways, the signs that you're ready to deepen your life experience and skills require you to FIRST know and believe that healing is needed; that you simply want things to be different. What stops us from diving into a true healing journey can be the facts that
you’re not really ready to face the dark stuff, the shadows, the traumas, the yucky feelings
you may be intimidated by your level up; like knowing that the different you will be more powerful puts you in a place of resistance
you just don’t know where to start
More often than not, the majority of us WON’T sign onto a healing journey because of the reasons I just pointed out. What’s more common is to find yourself at rock bottom or in a situation where you’re left with no other choice but to begin healing. So no matter what, we all have the capacity to get started on some version of a healing journey.
And healing isn't just about when you are directly harmed and in need of support. Healing can also mean that younger versions of you still need tending to because you're not able to access your full and whole self today, as an adult. The latter scenario is one of the biggest areas I tackle with leaders in private sessions!
As a leadership coach with healing centered approaches, I always advocate for the normalization of these challenging times and yucky feelings because the more we ignore them, the more those feelings will start to nag at us to get to the healing it needs before you can level up. This is where triggers come from; unhealed parts of our past that get signaled to come back to us as adults. Now, have you cultivated the tools and wisdom to now offer your younger, hurt parts? That’s where someone like me can be that support for you.
If you want to know more about where you are in your time to heal through barriers and blocks preventing you from the life of liberation you crave, you check out my offerings below
sign up for the next cohort of Trailheads To Healing
book a quick consultation with me to explore private coaching
join any type of healing hike to put you in direct connection to the Universe’s messages for you
check out other events or workshops to get to know more about my work
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Healing Hella Hurts
If you’re really serious and ready to invest in the real work of healing, then get ready for ALL THE FEELS. In relation to those around you, since you’re changing/transforming yourself, the people around you might not recognize you and that can be hurtful for everyone. This post focuses more on the physical affects of doing your transformative work, or healing.
“If you don’t hurt, then you don’t know”
Since I like to keep it real, it think its Important to talk about the reality of the healing process. Because it’s not all rose baths and massages.
If you’re really serious and ready to invest in the real work of healing, then get ready for ALL THE FEELS. It’s no wonder few people will dive deeply into their healing process because there’s risk in what happens getting pretty ugly or uncomfortable. In relation to your own body, things may come up, quite literally as I explain more later. In relation to those around you, since you’re changing/transforming yourself, the people around you might not recognize you and that can be hurtful for everyone.
In this post, I’d like to focus more on the physical affects of doing your transformative work, or healing. For instance, the after care piece of a healing hike, can be overlooked. I wanted to be transparent about the possibilities and encourage you to trust that if something physical and out of the ordinary does come up with your body, this is a good sign of energetic movement, change in perception, or release of toxins. Remember, our emotions are directly connected to our physical bodies, but that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily aware of what those connections are and how they can show up after doing healing work like processing through emotional baggage.
We can protect ourselves by being prepared, paying attention, and having an after-care plan. Here’s what it is:
THE REALITY
Healing work is hard because it can literally hurt. Sore muscles, migraines, even vomiting can happen after processing through some deep emotional stuff! That’s because our emotional energy can exist in particular parts of our bodies, more noticeably when there’s stuck energy. Engaging in the unseen mediums such as energetic, metaphysical, or ancestral modalities can result in some unanticipated and non-symptomatic-like bodily responses. Crazy, right? But its true.
Additionally, our thoughts can pay a big part in how our bodies feel/react to our environment. Have you read/heard the news today? Was your heart beating with frustration?
As an example, if we engage with a deep seeded trauma and work to bring up something buried so deep, then release it, this can feel a certain way. Perhaps, even resulting in the body reacting the way it needs to so the energy can move out. Like, “purging a trauma” out of your body can literally play out like vomiting all those negativities out.
So, What is needed for a safe journey ahead? Well, every person is different and has their own emotional and physical process. But here are some things we can talk about…
Let’s first talk about AFFECTS, not effects, but AFFECTS. And I use affects here because its a verb and it means to influence something. Your healing actions should influence your healing process, not result in an effect (noun) to your healing process. If we’re engaging in non-symptomatic shifts in your well-being, then expect non-symptomatic things to happen.
AFFECTS ARE SIGNS OF MOVEMENT/ADAPTATION
No pain, no gain, right? Right.
It doesn’t always have to happen painfully. What I’m trying to emphasize here is that if it does happen, trust in the nature of things. A waaay long time ago I wrote about how “stressors” in the environment cause mutations to happen in plants. It’s part of the natural process of Resilience and Adaptation. I said,
“Stress (or stressors) are actually those signs we have in life that something is happening and is calling us to adapt. Something is happening that needs some attention because a change is about to happen. And only then, when the stressors make themselves known is when we are called to do some work to figure out how to adapt.”
Just like our plant relatives, we are resilient and we adapt. The good thing about us being conscious of our environment and able to move and search for help or resources in the face of “stressors”, is that we can consciously prepare ourselves for the journey of engaging with a “safe” and “sacred” stressor, such as a coaching session, healing hike, spiritual journey, etc…
Now that we’ve started with some language and natural law, let’s talk about preparation and protection.
PREPARATION & PROTECTION
I can’t express enough, the importance of preparation; know what you’re getting into, how to find the right practitioner, and try to get a sense of how ready and how deep you’re willing to go into your healing journey. This also helps the practitioner know if you’re the right fit for them. Do your research, get your recommendations and referrals to the right practitioner or do some sample sessions! If you’ve been on one of my hikes you know that I send everyone a pretty extensive preparation welcome letter before arrival. This is key to having a good session!
Your healing journey needs a protected container. This is why the opening and closing circles of our healing hikes are soo important to the entire experience. It’s an essential part of building the sacredness of our time as well as setting the tone (or intention) for our experience. It’s also a good way for us to protect ourselves from any distractions or interruptions from other park visitors. Think of this process as a metaphor for your process of any type of healing session you engage with. Get grounded, call in your source(s) and proceed with faith.
AFTER CARE
I often mention this at the end of our hikes or sessions, especially if we’ve just had some deep emotional experience in nature;
pay close attention to how your body is reacting and what your emotional state is like for the next few days
The affects of emotional processing sometimes takes a few days to cycle through or reveal itself. It’s important to take note (no matter how subtle) of any changes you might be feeling or if any unexpected physical or emotional things bubble up. This again, is a good sign and it might not feel good or look pretty.
Here are some of my after care tips for healing hikes or private sessions:
always stay hydrated, before and after; water is a good “leveler” of energetic exchange/change. You might notice after an emotional session you’re super thirsty. Know that you just did a lot of work!
rest well after a session, especially if you felt a sudden onset of fatigue or lethargy. This could be a sign of an emotional hangover or detox. Take a day off if you can’t concentrate or function well at work
if your gut instinct is telling you your physical or emotional affect is from the session, trust it is from the session and will pass as you take care of yourself
if your gut instinct is telling you your physical or emotional affect is from another person, trust it is from another person and will pass as you take care of yourself. You might be more sensitive to others’ energy than you thought!
the most important in this container is to PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to yourself with the intention of understanding more about how you process through things.
This is where you’ll benefit the most and one of the main reasons why I always say, this is a JOURNEY, not a cure.
You can heal yourself!
*always seek advise from a medical professional in any case that you feel like what you’re experience is something more serious. The after care and advise I give here and throughout my website is not meant to diagnose or prevent or cure any clinical ailments.
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5 Steps to Shift From Madness to Mindset
If you’re mindset, or beliefs around your actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways. We’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness to developing a strong mindset for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
A few years ago I offered a deep reflection tool that allowed you to recognize when changes in behaviors happened..
And in recognizing those changes in behaviors, my hope is that you’re able to see those as a major step forward. If you haven’t done that exercise, I suggest giving it a try this year. Because you might be surprised by how much growth you’ve been able to accomplish with just behavioral shifts! You can do last year’s activity by reading about it here. It includes some downloadable worksheets too!
Now, to take your reflection even deeper towards transformation this year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways.
Take this beginning of the year season where we typically see folks committing to “a better diet”, “more exercise”, or some other form of better living. When the enthusiasm and stamina around that change wears off, say around February or March, excuses start to take over. Without a strong mindset aligned with that change, belief systems from other people, societal norms, or just those stories you developed on your own can take over a derail your plans. The madness sets in.
So, as a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
So what does a successful shift from madness to mindset look like?
Simply put, these 5 steps can help you put some back into it! Below I give you some examples to help jumpstart your reflection and I also encourage you to download this worksheet and FULLY engage with the activity.
Name what you want to change. Bottom line it.
In 2019 I want to change the way I eat to have a more plant-based diet
What are your beliefs (madness) around that shift? For instance, what goes on in your head when you think about making this change in your life?
a. Plant based diets are healthier and will help me lose weight
b. It takes too much time to prep food for a more plant based diet and I’ too busy
Where did they come from? You, someone else, societal norms, etc…?
a. I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the a plant-based diet reversing chronic illness and other things, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body
b. I grew up with fast food and TV dinners, so making food from scratch is too time consuming and I’m a really busy person
Determine which of those beliefs serve to your benefit versus ones that result in preventing you from making a successful, long term shift. Can you add an action to take to make that change?
Example
Mindset - I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the vegan diet reversing chronic illness, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body.
Action - 3 out of 7 days in a week will be a plant-based lunch
Bottom line your mindset in a statement. This is the part that shifts from madness your mindset. Affirm it and ritualize it into an affirmation or reminder to yourself, especially when you have the urge to revert back to old habits. Write or draw this statement out and put it on display in a sacred place in your home so you can see it and recite it at least once a day. Do this for at least 21 days!
a. I make time to have more plant-based foods in my diet because it supports my overall health
Keep yourself accountable by looking back every week and tell someone.
How many times were you able to implement the change?
How many times were you able to state your mantra (mindset) to yourself?
Celebrate the wins and when you’ve been consistent in using this mantra and don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not perfect! Your mind is, after all, conditioning itself to a new norm! But also don’t have a gallon of ice cream, instead, share with someone who supports you that you reached your weekly goal!
Tip: If you’re not consistent, next week, customize the action so that it fits better into your unique life and try again. It’s all good as long as you don’t quit all together!
Finally, its always a good idea to have at least one “transformational buddy”; someone who can witness your change and cheer you on! I personally would shamelessly plug that hiring a coach is the ultimate game changer! But if you’re not yet ready for that type of investment, I’ll leave you with some final tips to identify who that buddy can be:
Someone you trust and has been a natural and true champion of you all along
A person who can keep their personal agenda out of your goals and be an active listener
Someone who can empathize, not sympathize with you
Good luck in the next year of change towards your best life!
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Nature & the Apocalypse - Tapping Into Your Untapped Resources
In apocalyptic times it’s easy to forget about the multiple dimensions of resources we all have to make it through challenging times.
So I thought I’d break down these dimensions unique to my message and what I created as a pillar of the Radical Nature Framework. It’s like a breath of fresh air to just acknowledge that we exist on multiple planes.
Nature & the Apocalypse
Your Untapped Resources
In apocalyptic times it’s easy to forget about the multiple dimensions of resources we all have to make it through challenging times.
So I thought I’d break down these dimensions unique to my message and what I created as a pillar of the Radical Nature Framework.
Click this image of Terry Crews & Jameela Jamil in conversation about toxic masculinity and an emphasis on 2 ways that people get inspired (1:34).
I remember talking to my business coach and he asked me, ”What is it that actually motivates people to get a real start on their true life’s work and invest in the real support needed to get there?”. And I responded and told him that we typically don’t take a leap until we get to our extremes. So, near-death experiences or arriving at what might seem like the lowest point in your life will get someone to take action. Those are usually the times when we generally see people create their businesses or “launch” their life’s work. Not everyone needs to get to extremes, but I see it as an example of a general human tendency.
Today, I’d say there’s also this apocalypse. And by apocalypse, I’m taking its root definition, below. Our ability to now see the truths of our world has caused us to face, head-on the many things we need to repair and heal to move forward.
Not what we expected as an apocalypse the way Hollywood depicted it? What we’re faced with is an existential crisis. And this existential crisis requires us to ask the deeper questions about WHO WE ARE and WHAT OUR PURPOSE IS while we’re here on this Earth.
I think this is why when I introduce my “Belonging & Identity” diagram to groups it seems to be the illustration that hits people viscerally in what work needs to happen to make it through to see what world we’ll arrive to after all of this chaos.
Source: etymonline.com
Why does it seem to hit home for most? I’m guessing that this is the missing piece in the narrative of leadership, organizational development, or entrepreneurship;
the fact that we are made up of more than just our human existence
We have multiple dimensions of being and our sense of belonging to things not ONLY this Earth. It’s like a breath of fresh air to just acknowledge that we exist on multiple planes. And this is what came to me when I took a deeper look into nature’s systems from multiple disciplines; science, spiritually, coaching, etc…
So let me break down each of the dimensions as they relate to our human sense of identity and belonging and leave you with some ways to start thinking about this for yourself.
The goal is that you can find the many untapped resources of your resilience and begin engaging with these dimensions as the world as we know it begins to dissolve….
Look at the multiple dimensions of your being, from the human self all the way into the expansion of your place in the Quantum or Universal Realm.
How do you relate to each dimension?
How does each dimension show up in your life?
Consider answering the questions posed with the breakdown of each of these dimensions below:
SELF - your body, DNA, physical abilities, capacity to intellectualize, living family, existence in your specific life time
REGION/LAND - the place on the planet where your ancestors come from, your lineage, all the specific plants and animals found in that region, your capacity to relate to particular plants and animals because they are part of your origin story
GLOBAL - the world’s resources, the things we all have as a global human species like emotions, basic needs, our capacity to see yourself in others (kapwa), our connection to land and water on this Earth
PLANETARY - your connection to the stars/planets/solar system, your birth chart, your capacity to see your spiritual position in relation to the Earth and other starts
QUANTUM/UNIVERSAL - our collective consciousness, the place where everything exists and belongs to, beyond the stars. It’s the universal energy of our existence, your capacity to reach your ancestors and become one and back and forth...
Take this resource with you and your answers and apply your multiple dimensions the next time you need to find answers to take the next step during the apocalypse! And let me know what shows up by commenting below!
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5 Steps to Shift From Madness to Mindset
This year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways. As a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same results”
At the end of last year (2017) I offered you a deep reflection tool that allowed you to recognize the changes in behaviors you were able to make that year...
And in recognizing those changes in behaviors, I hope you were able to see those as a major step forward. If you haven’t done that exercise, I suggest giving it a try before doing this year’s activity. Because you might be surprised by how much growth you’ve been able to accomplish with just behavioral shifts! You can do last year’s activity by reading about it here. It includes some downloadable worksheets too!
Now, to take your reflection even deeper towards
transformation, this year’s tool will help you understand your mindset. I can talk actions all day long and you can engage with actions that change the way you do things, but if you’re mindset, or beliefs around those actions aren’t aligned, you’ll often find yourself reverting back to your old ways.
Take this upcoming “New Years Resolutions” season where we typically see folks committing to “a better diet”, “more exercise”, or some other form of better living. When the enthusiasm and stamina around that change wears off, say around February or March, excuses start to take over. Without a strong mindset aligned with that change, belief systems from other people, societal norms, or just those stories you developed on your own can take over a derail your plans. The madness sets in.
So, as a way to make your shift a holistic and solid one, we’re going to focus this year on shifting from this madness of varying beliefs in your head to developing a strong mindset that sets you up for making an actual change that is aligned and long lasting.
So what does a successful shift from madness to mindset look like?
Simply put, these 5 steps can help you put some back into it! Below I give you some examples to help jumpstart your reflection and I also encourage you to download this worksheet and FULLY engage with the activity.
Name what you want to change. Bottom line it.
In 2019 I want to change the way I eat to have a more plant-based diet
What are your beliefs (madness) around that shift? For instance, what goes on in your head when you think about making this change in your life?
a. Plant based diets are healthier and will help me lose weight
b. It takes too much time to prep food for a more plant based diet and I’ too busy
Where did they come from? You, someone else, societal norms, etc…?
a. I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the a plant-based diet reversing chronic illness and other things, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body
b. I grew up with fast food and TV dinners, so making food from scratch is too time consuming and I’m a really busy person
Determine which of those beliefs serve to your benefit versus ones that result in preventing you from making a successful, long term shift. Can you add an action to take to make that change?
Example
Mindset - I see it all the time in the media, a couple of people in my community swear by the vegan diet reversing chronic illness, and ever since I started eating more plant based foods I feel better about my overall body.
Action - 3 out of 7 days in a week will be a plant-based lunch
Bottom line your mindset in a statement. This is the part that shifts from madness your mindset. Affirm it and ritualize it into an affirmation or reminder to yourself, especially when you have the urge to revert back to old habits. Write or draw this statement out and put it on display in a sacred place in your home so you can see it and recite it at least once a day. Do this for at least 21 days!
a. I make time to have more plant-based foods in my diet because it supports my overall health
Keep yourself accountable by looking back every week and tell someone.
How many times were you able to implement the change?
How many times were you able to state your mantra (mindset) to yourself?
Celebrate the wins and when you’ve been consistent in using this mantra and don’t be hard on yourself if it’s not perfect! Your mind is, after all, conditioning itself to a new norm! But also don’t have a gallon of ice cream, instead, share with someone who supports you that you reached your weekly goal!
Tip: If you’re not consistent, next week, customize the action so that it fits better into your unique life and try again. It’s all good as long as you don’t quit all together!
Finally, its always a good idea to have at least one “transformational buddy”; someone who can witness your change and cheer you on! I personally would shamelessly plug that hiring a coach is the ultimate game changer! But if you’re not yet ready for that type of investment, I’ll leave you with some final tips to identify who that buddy can be:
Someone you trust and has been a natural and true champion of you all along
A person who can keep their personal agenda out of your goals and be an active listener
Someone who can empathize, not sympathize with you
Good luck in the next year of change towards your best life!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
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AND WOULD LIKE MORE LIKE THIS, SUBSCRIBE
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Nothing Left To Justify
…violence in every form; whether between people or in the extreme violence of Mother Nature onto this planet. The pains and hurts caused by humans onto each other are not separate from the Earthly destructions happening on our planet right now. That the more we continue on the way we have been with each other, the more vicious our environment will respond with its own destruction. It's all connected, I believe.
Everyday, every week, more and more I’m connecting today’s current events as metaphors about ourselves and our place in this world, identifying them as our “moments of truth” . For instance, this summer the gruesome killing of our young princess, Nia Wilson gave me the most clear message about what this tragedy is telling us about ourselves. Let me break it down for you, based on what I experienced here as an Oakland resident:
A couple of days before her killing, a local restaurant posted a call for a community counter action march from their venue to an expected meeting by a right-winged group, The Proud Boys. As the the hype intensified and community began answering the call to hold a counter, peaceful celebration of unity, I felt a sense of sadness and disappointment. Because what I actually saw were people in the streets screaming in anger towards the police and the flared up rage against the system being played out once again here at home. The sadness and disappointment was really rooted in my fatigue of all the death and violence happening here and questioning when will we actually stop resisting and be still to think about an actual way forward? I’m tired of seeing the resisting, the fighting, and the clashing. I’m not empowered by that anymore.
Then as I woke up the next morning to the horrific news that another young black life was violently taken at a BART station by a white man, I realized that this became the real moment of truth. Because as the day progressed, speculations and headlines in media questioned whether there was a connection to Nia’s murderer and the visiting Proud Boys. “Word around town was that he was one of them”, some of the posts read. But what we would soon learn about the killer was that he actually was a local resident who’s spent many years in and out of jail and had some mental health issues, unaffiliated with the right-winged group. So presumptively,
racism wasn’t the justification. It was mental illness.
(AND side note: I believe racism is a mental illness)
So can we even blame mental illness for this attack? It can’t be blamed AND serve as a way forward! Where does that blame lead us to anyway? Another hurt or attack on another, probably. So, the big takeaway for me, with respect to this particular story, was that we as a people HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE RIGHT THING. We aren’t listening to the core of the issue and taking action in the right way. Blame is NOT the name of the game, but the STILLNESS, finding the humanity of the situation is where we must be to open up a path forward with healing that leads to a solution.
Treyvon Martin’s parents spoke about what they’re advocating for isn’t a race issue, it’s an issue about right and wrong and that ultimately it’s about not hurting each other. When Nia’s family spoke during the press conference shortly after her murder, they gave us clues as to what we should be paying more attention to. At least, that's what my deep listening was telling me. They said, “stand down, don’t react”. They called on community to stand down and be still [while the suspect was still out there].
My intuition’s bottom line from all this? Well, since I'm an intuitive connected to Earth, the way I'm seeing this is...
The more we pay attention to REACTING to these incidents as we have been doing in resisting, the more and more gruesome the next incidents of violence will be
And violence in every form; whether between people or in the extreme violence of Mother Nature onto this planet. The pains and hurts caused by humans onto each other are not separate from the Earthly destructions happening on our planet right now. That the more we continue on the way we have been with each other, the more vicious our environment will respond with its own destruction. It's all connected, I believe.
So when will we as a nation, as a community realize that we need to be present with these realities and awaken to it FIRST before taking action? When will non-resistance be the expected next step after harm? To me, being present means going INWARD to “see”, to “listen deeply” to what our community leaders are telling us, requesting of us even, to do. Going inward means really opening up in a way where you can see these heinous crimes and the people who commit them as sharing something in common with you. Going inward means seeing the destructive natural events as connected to your own rage or exploitation of resources.
Because if we can't reach that connectedness with ourselves, the people around us, and the land we live on,
There will be nothing left of ourselves to justify our actions towards one another
There will be nothing left of this planet to justify our misuse and disconnection to our planet and all its beings
There will be nothing left for us to LOOK TO, to justify why things happen the way they do
There will be nothing left to look at but each other
So in conclusion,
what are the first steps in your awakening or awareness of our interconnectedness of ourselves and our place in this world? I realize its a journey, as it has been for me. That some of the beginning steps include
taking that difficult look at yourself and asking where the hurt exists?
what kind of hurt is it?
and what's available for me to begin the healing process?
Because when we begin to heal ourselves, we begin to heal those around us and the land in which we walk on.
The time is NOW, to understand our world more deeply. The time is NOW, to understand ourselves more deeply. The time is now because the world in which we know it is having its veil lifted. The systems and ways of thinking that are misaligned with the laws of nature are being broken down, so are the areas of land that have not been cared for sustainably.
I truly believe the way forward begins with YOU.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY STORY. IF YOU ENJOYED THIS PIECE, PLEASE SHARE WITH OTHERS AND JOIN IN THE CONVERSATION BY COMMENTING BELOW!
MEET THE COACH
Raynelle Rino, CPC
A long time social sector professional, Raynelle began her career in the sciences as an ecology field researcher then moved onto environmental education and social justice at the grassroots organizational level in the Bay Area. Her love for nature and youth development brought her to teach in unique settings like alternative high schools, environmental justice neighborhoods, parks, and juvenile justice facilities.
In 2016 Raynelle started Rino Consulting Solutions, a nature-based consulting firm that provides coaching and consulting services for professionals and other businesses. It’s mission is to support and inspire the leaders of today to live in the confidence of their identities as they move through a world in the midst of social, racial, and environmental transformation. Raynelle is a graduate of Humboldt State University with a BS in Biology, a Rising Leaders and 2042 Today fellow, and lives in Oakland with her husband and daughter.
The Last Episode of Your Telenovela
Over the years I’ve discovered more of the complexities that played a role in this self-deprecating language. There’s so much ongoing work I do in self-reflection, healing, reframing simple sentences in email responses, the list goes on and...it’s FOR REAL challenging sometimes. But if I can offer you three simple ways to reflect on your own story language, we can add so much more to this world by telling a more empowering story of ourselves!
Here are some reflections I offer you...
I used to joke about Filipino melodramas and movies because the story lines were always so predictable. Given I have minimal understanding of the Tagalog language I knew in general that the stories were always the same; lots of crying, cheating, lying, someone's parent always dies, there's several verbal altercations and insults thrown around and like all melodramas (or as they're called in Latin America, The Telenovela) the story takes FOR-EVER to progress. That's how they get you craving for more until you're hooked!
As I became a mother I began investing more time on improving my communication skills, engaging in my own healing, and leveling up in my professionalism. Then, I started seeing these shows in a different light. I started to realize just how toxic these stories were. As a conscious woman of color I couldn’t simply see The Telenovela as entertainment. They were negative and disempowering messages of women and relationships.
I've always craved positive portrayals of women and
healthy relationships because that’s
what I would want more of in my life
So speaking about my “leveling-up” in my career, I came across a really hard lesson in how I was portraying myself during presentations. After one of my training I shared my background then a colleague of mine offered her feedback and said I was using a lot of “self-deprecating” language. I guess I wasn’t thinking about how I talked about myself, but naively would just talk about my story the best way I knew how. But her feedback put me on this mission to find out what was behind all the negative self-talk and figure out what I needed to do to change my story language.
Living in a patriarchal family structure and society were obvious components influencing my disempowered female stance. And maybe cultural components played a part in being “humble” about my accomplishments, maybe not even acknowledging them at all. At the end of the day I knew I had to understand myself more deeply to know how to SHIFT and talk about me in a positive and impactful way.
Language has energy and words carry weight
So, when I reflected back on that self deprecating talk, I remembered that the story about my not finishing graduate school or not wanting this or that in my career, revealed language that focused on the negative aspects of my life. But in my mind at that time, I didn’t think it was a big deal because it was my truth. The biggest lesson was that it really didn’t matter what the outcome was of my specific story, people will remember more of the energy you bring to the room.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" - Maya Angelou
When I do deep listening with clients I pay attention to the language and words they choose when telling a story or giving a response. Just like my colleague pointed out for me, these are the underlying ways our notions of self-worth can manifest. It can passively reveal some of the hidden beliefs we have about ourselves that may not necessarily come from our own beliefs, but beliefs that other people/society have about us. So when negative self talk happens acknowledge it then get curious about it; where does it come from? How has it served you?
Over the years I’ve discovered more of the complexities that have played a role in this self-deprecating language. There’s so much ongoing work I do like self-reflection, spiritual healing, even reframing simple sentences in email responses, the list goes on and on...it’s FOR REAL challenging sometimes. But if I can offer you three simple ways to reflect on your own story language perhaps we can see how our empowering stories can add so much more to this world, YES?
Here are some reflections I offer you...
What you choose to talk about is what’s most important to you
Without judging yourself or having any expectations about your story, think about those stories you tend to tell others about yourself. Continually sharing specific stories that focus almost entirely on the situation (vs. how it impacts you) is a sign that something hasn’t been resolved in that story. Bring awareness to the drama.
Are they mostly positive or negative accounts, opinions, or beliefs?
Can you still feel the rawness in the emotion from that situation each time you tell it?
What larger lesson is attached to this repeated story or topic?
What’s important to you about the stories you choose to talk about?
Listen to yourself
There’s no harm in simply recording yourself talk. Oddly enough this action can reveal a lot about how you sound to yourself! Or if you have a trusty mentor or friend who is willing to actively listen to your stories, share with them the stories you hang onto. Ask them for some constructive feedback. You can even have them just ask the questions above after you talk.
Time to level up. Write the last episode of your Telenovela! NO MORE DRAMA!
Write that final episode about the person you were before you realized you were in a telenovela! Gather all your main characters and predictable scenarios for this episode. Consider this your character’s last chance to stay the same cycle of drama, or story line. Then set them free with an epic ending.
What disheartening stories do you have about your life?
What happened to you that created the negative outlook?
Have you given yourself permission to accept these situations?
Now, the challenge; create a new path with a different story language!
How will you put an end to the drama? Do you (as the main character) die? Transform?
And who is this new person you’re writing about NOW?
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MEET THE COACH
Raynelle Rino, CPC
A long time social sector professional, Raynelle began her career in the sciences as an ecology field researcher then moved onto environmental education and social justice at the grassroots organizational level in the Bay Area. Her love for nature and youth development brought her to teach in unique settings like alternative high schools, environmental justice neighborhoods, parks, and juvenile justice facilities.
In 2016 Raynelle started Rino Consulting Solutions, a nature-based consulting firm that provides coaching and consulting services for professionals and other businesses. It’s mission is to support and inspire the leaders of today to live in the confidence of their identities as they move through a world in the midst of social, racial, and environmental transformation. Raynelle is a graduate of Humboldt State University with a BS in Biology, a Rising Leaders and 2042 Today fellow, and lives in Oakland with her husband and daughter.
A Directional Tool for Supporting Your Life's Purpose and Passion
As I was guiding high school students through a workshop on entrepreneurship, I gave my own story as an example of how my journey was reflected in the Medicine Wheel. So, I wanted to offer this priceless knowledge over to you as another reflection tool.
Who knew that something as simple as the directional compass can support and guide you through any of life's challenges and wanderings, both literally and metaphorically? Well, it wasn't until I began looking into more traditional healing when I realized the compass we were taught as young children also had some powerful significance for our ancestors and how THEY walked through life. In my work today as a nature-based coach, the compass, or Medicine Wheel is the central piece in reconnecting people to nature.
I even found it a valuable reflection tool for business development. As I was guiding high school students through a workshop on entrepreneurship, I gave my own story as an example of how my journey was reflected in the Medicine Wheel. So, I wanted to offer this priceless knowledge over to you as another reflection tool.
Download the activity and get deep into a reflection on your life's purpose.
Specifically, this downloadable activity is ideal for
- someone wanting to start a business or begin a major project
- a transition time where your next step can go one direction or the other
- if you need to re-evaluate where you are in life and need an organized way to sift through your thoughts
It'll help you to
- Intentionally reflect on YOUR PERSONAL PASSION, YOUR STORY, and YOUR SERVICE BACK TO
OTHERS - Reflect on what it will mean to you to begin walking this path or walking in it with more
ownership - Connect to the universal compass, the Medicine Wheel, and their respective natural ELEMENTS involved in developing your true path.
